


I Hear You

by Simbanrat



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:27:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23837548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simbanrat/pseuds/Simbanrat
Summary: Ben is coming to terms with his hearing loss, but there is something he can't get over.
Relationships: Ballum - Relationship, Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 10
Kudos: 68





	I Hear You

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, be gentle.

Ben had had a hearing impediment for pretty much his entire life, but he had never felt deaf. There had been that time in prison when the bullies stole his hearing aid, and punched him in his good ear to make a point, but looking at the bright side, it at least prepared him somewhat for his current predicament.

Even though he had no real hearing in his left ear, it hadn’t been an issue. He had worn hearing aids for as long as he could remember. Big and bulky when he was a boy, obvious and a beacon for school bullies. His dad was never that bothered about him, his hearing or lack of, was just something else that made Ben not quite good enough, well not good enough for a Mitchell at least. Phil had wanted a carbon copy of himself, or his brother. Hard, strong, masculine. What did he get? Deaf, bullied, dancer, he was definitely not what Phil had hoped for in a son. Even when he brought Stella into Ben’s life, and the abuse that brought with it, Phil’s sympathy only lasted so long, still secretly ashamed at how weak his son was. 

The older Ben got, the smaller his hearing aids become. His dad never mentioned them, but now he could pass as normal since his new aid was pretty much impossible to see, Phil could pretend there wasn’t an issue. It was just that pesky homosexuality that was a problem now. Yeah Phil had mellowed slightly, he might not be happy with a gay son, But he doesn’t necessarily go out of his way to bring it up or think about it, even a few years ago when Ben had lost the man he loved, Phil still found it difficult to refer to Paul as anything but his ‘friend’.

So Ben had spent pretty much his entire life feeling like he wasn’t quite good enough in his dad’s eyes. When he had been with Paul, he felt as though he was perfect, that somebody could love him for exactly who and what he was, but that was short lived when those bigoted arseholes attacked them both. He never imagined it could hurt so much, being shut out by his dad, his mum’s ‘death’, they both paled into insignificance to losing the first person to make Ben feel totally loved and accepted. He never thought he would feel that way again.

Of course life has funny way of working sometimes. He wasn’t looking to fall in love, he never thought he could again. He definitely didn’t want to, the last time ended so painfully, it seemed easier to stick to casual hook ups and nameless sex rather than make a real connection. When he shook hands with that tall blue eyed man in the Queen Vic, he had no idea that a year later he would be deeply in love with him. 

Yeah they hadn’t had the easiest of paths to becoming a couple. Callum after all was engaged to Whitney, and most definitely wasn’t prepared to admit to himself that he was gay. So an intense fumble in a park, and months of cat and mousing, culminated in Ben nearly dying and Callum finally admitting to himself who he was, and what it was he wanted. Since he came out, he was more than happy to do the chasing, Ben of course tried his hardest to put him off. Trying to save him from the inevitable heartache and pain that was sure to come, never forgetting that the last time he allowed himself to love and be happy it didn’t end well. But Callum was persistent, and despite Ben’s best efforts, his walls had well and truly crumbled, and Callum completely and utterly got under his skin and into his being. 

They had had a couple of perfect months, falling into domesticity together. Waking up in each others arms the morning after amazing sex, eating breakfast together, taking Lexi to school, going on dates. They were both so happy with how things were, but then it all began to fall apart. They didn’t know that outside forces were going to change both of their lives forever. Ben wished he could say no to his dad. The whole Sharon and Keanu situation was really nothing to do with him. All he wanted to do was cocoon himself with Callum, not letting the outside world interrupt their happiness, but emotional blackmail from his father put an end to that. Ben knew where this was going to end, with Callum getting hurt, especially when the older man declared his love for him. He had to cut him loose, protect him from whatever was going to happen. If he had known what was to come he wouldn’t have bothered, they lost so much time together and Ben curses himself for that. 

When that idiot Keanu returned and kidnapped Callum, Ben was frantic. His heart felt as though it was breaking every second that Callum wasn’t with him. Knowing that he was in danger, hurt, scared, hating Ben for getting him in this situation… When Ben realised that Phil had betrayed him, caring more about getting revenge on Keanu than helping to save Callum, something flipped in him. He was choosing Callum above all else, if he had to stand against his father and threaten to kill him, then so be it. Callum was worth it, Ben was completely in love with him, even if couldn’t admit it out loud. Finding him and getting him back was bittersweet. 

Yes he was relieved and over the moon to find him alive and he was going to be ok, but so much had happened since he had been gone. Dennis had died, his dad had disappeared again and of course Ben was now deaf. Not just partially, the type that a hearing aid would fix, but properly, water in ears, can’t hear what people are saying to you deaf. It was one thing having your hearing aid stolen as a prank in prison for a short time, it was completely different knowing that you simply couldn’t fix it by just using a new aid. Ben tried his hardest to set Callum free, letting him know that he could go, find someone who was better for him, someone who wasn’t broken. A perfectly gauged ‘I love you’ traced onto Ben’s back let him know that Callum wasn’t put off, he wasn’t concerned about the hearing loss, he loved him still, probably even more in truth. They kissed, lounged on the sofa together and were on a promise. Callum went upstairs and Ben went to the kitchen to get beer. It was then that it suddenly hit him. His mind was no longer distracted with worry about Callum, given a minute to himself, in silence, he realised what it was he had lost. He broke down, mourning his loss and life he had before, Callum of course was there to catch him. 

They hadn’t slept together that night. Nor the night after. Since Ben had come out and was confident in his sexuality, he was very comfortable in his skin, he knew what he wanted and he went out and got it. He could sleep with anyone and know that he would give them a good time. His sexual prowess and experience made him an amazing lover. He would do whatever he wanted in the bedroom without embarrassment or feeling intimidated. He loved sleeping with a man, giving head, pounding into him, and hearing all the moans of ecstasy he elicited from them. He especially loved the noises his boyfriend made in the bedroom, a curious mix of giggly, dirty expletives. Ben used the groans his partner made as an indicator he was getting close, the breathless ‘fuck’ as he hit his prostate letting him know he was almost there. The sheer guttural moan Callum produced when he came all over his stomach. Ben loved all of the noises. 

Since becoming deaf he found it difficult to explain to Callum why he didn’t want to have sex. Not because he was having trouble communicating in general, but because of the difficulty in putting it into words. They had tried once, Callum sitting in a chair, Ben crawled between his legs, hands travelling up his inner thighs, tenderly stroking, working his way up. He could see the hardening bulge growing before him, he unzipped the fly, reached in and took Callum’s dick in his hand. It was hot, hard and long, Ben gave it a couple of strokes, then closed his eyes and took him in his mouth. He had missed the taste and the feeling of his boyfriend but almost immediately he panicked. He felt a hand on the back of his head and his eyes flew open, he saw a blissed out look on Callum’s face, his eyes shut and his mouth was moving. But Ben couldn’t hear what he was saying. He couldn’t hear his moan, his giggle, his encouragement for Ben to take more. Ben’s heart raced and he pulled away from Callum, the dick falling from his mouth, and he fell backwards onto the ground. Callum opened his eyes to see what was wrong and saw Ben on the floor with tears in his eyes and a childlike confusion on his face. The older man crouched down next to him to ask what was wrong, but he couldn’t get Ben to talk to him, his lover was so upset and he didn’t know what he’d done to upset him. He put an arm around, told him whatever it was, it was ok, helped him up and led him to the sofa. After what happened he didn’t think that trying to take him to bed was a good idea. Callum tried to get Ben to talk but he wasn’t engaging. In the end, he simply sat back on the sofa and let Ben lay on him while he stroked his arm. They fell asleep there.

It had been a couple of months since they had been reunited and apart from that one attempt, nothing sexual had happened between them. It was hard, really hard, Ben was always horny, he loved sex, he especially loved sex with Callum. From their first fumble in the park, to their reunion on the car lot desk, each and every encounter had been mind blowing. Ben is damn good at sex, but he has taught Callum a lot, and together it’s just perfect. It wasn’t just hard on Ben, Callum was feeling it too. He found Ben infinitely sexy, he had a thing about his hair, he loved to ruffle it, cupping his beautiful face in his hands to kiss him. But Callum was at a disadvantage, he was horny, but he has no idea why he couldn’t take it further than a kiss at the moment. He missed Ben so much when they had split up, and when he was in that warehouse, but right now, he missed him so much more. He was quiet, withdrawn and not really there. He needed to work out what was wrong, how he could help Ben be more himself.

They both knew that the operation was coming up, but Callum knew not to pin all their hopes on it. There was a chance it wasn’t going to work, and he didn’t want Ben to blindly go into it. They had to have it out, but with Dennis’ funeral coming up, it was hard to find the right time. Add into that, the mess with Danny and the arrest, it was a tough time to have a proper conversation.

After Ben took Callum’s help the wrong way in the Vic after the wake, they went back to the flat and went to bed. Callum curled around Ben, kissed the back of his neck and they both went to sleep. When he woke up in the night, Ben wasn’t there, Callum panicked and went looking for him, finding him on the living room floor wrapping presents. On seeing Callum, Ben tried to hide what he was doing, letting him know that he was wrapping his birthday presents and he wasn’t allowed to look. Callum closed his eyes and found his way to the chair, the same chair that was the scene of their last attempt at being intimate. With Callum’s eyes shut, Ben suddenly felt braver, with one of his boyfriend’s senses compromised they felt on a more even keel. 

He found it easier to start talking, he didn’t know if Callum was listening, didn’t know if he was replying, but suddenly he was able to tell the man he loved exactly what it was he was feeling. A part of sex that Ben had always loved the most was the noises his partner made. When he could see Callum saying something, but was unable to hear what it was it completely threw him. He knew that sex was different, that he was never going to have again what he once had. If the operation didn’t work, he wouldn’t hear Callum’s encouraging voice again, that little moan he does when he flicks his tongue over his slit, the giggle he has when Ben kisses him in just the right place on his neck, the ‘fuck me’ as Callum’s orgasm gets close, or the I love you as he comes. Ben mourned the loss and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Listening to your lover during sex is such a huge part of what turned Ben on, he didn’t know what do without it, he worried that he wasn’t going to be very good in bed anymore, that he wouldn’t be able to give the same enjoyment without the roadmap of sounds.

Callum listened to everything that Ben said, took it all in and couldn’t believe what an idiot he had been. Why hadn’t he worked it all out. He understood completely why Ben was upset, he couldn’t imagine not being able to hear Ben’s cute little high pitched moans when he gave him head, it turned him on so much knowing he was the reason for the noises. He got it entirely. He said as much, still with his eyes closed, promised Ben they would find a way to communicate, that sex would still be mind blowing with or without sound. Callum said everything that Ben needed to ‘hear’, he reassured him, and before he could help himself, Ben finally said the 3 words out loud that he hadn’t been able to up until this point, 

‘I love you’.

He tried to backtrack, but in that moment, with Callum’s words and beautiful face talking so honestly, it was impossible to deny. Callum opened his eyes and looked at Ben, when he tried to move away, he reached out to stop him and signed back

‘I love you’

Ben launched himself forward, and they kissed passionately, Callum’s big hands cupping Ben’s face, and Ben’s hands resting on Callum’s bare thighs. Callum moaned into Ben’s mouth, Ben felt the vibrations, smiled to himself, and understood his lover without words… 


End file.
